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The other day I had the occasion to call the claims office of my insurance company. This is not the same thing as the local office, where people are invariably…
More Nonsense
Perhaps you felt, after last week’s little foray into holiday music, that we were done with that topic for another year. Perhaps you even breathed a sigh of relief. Well,…
Nightmare Before Christmas Carols
It’s three days before Christmas, and the Research Department (Motto: We Do The Thinking So You Don’t Have To), has been listening nonstop to Christmas songs and has come to…
Grammar Police
It’s very close to the end of the semester, and the Grammar Police Department (motto: To Correct and Serve), has noticed a strong uptick in criminal acts against the English…
Thanks for calling Bombast Cable
Thank you for calling Bombast Cable Services, Incorporated. I just want you to know that your satisfaction is my goal today. How may I help you? Well, I’m trying to…
The Beetle, with apologies to E.A. Poe
Once upon an evening dreary, while I pondered, sick and bleary Over many a student essay that could only make me snore, Suddenly there came a tapping, as of someone’s…
Antiques Roadshow comedy tour
The other night I watched my first-ever episode of the Antiques Roadshow, in the company of our youngest daughter, who is a big fan. After a painting that somebody bought…
Dinosaur moment
The phrase “senior moment” has always irritated me. It offends me that the inability to remember things becomes some sort of age-specific problem. I know plenty of people younger than…
Awareness awareness
If you drive, breathe, or wander through Walmart, you are aware of awareness ribbons. These symbolic loops of color adorn bumpers and lapels, and proclaim to the world that the…
S is for Spider
For as many years as I can remember, I have been afraid of spiders. I don’t like the ways they move, the aggressive angles of their legs, or their horrible,…
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